I remember when i was younger, there was this big deal about eggs. The TV was going mad about it. I got the idea that eating an egg would almost certainly kill you, and if not that, turn you into some mutated chicken, spewing acid from its beak and fire from its eyes.
That was 22 years ago now. Edwina Currie's bold statement that most of the eggs in the country are affected with salmonella did wonders for the country's farmers and planted fear of chicken ovulations into everyone nationwide.
If the facts and figures were looked at, 30 million eggs were consumed every day that year, with 26 salmonella outbreaks reported in that time.
God bless statistics eh? 1 in 6 people don't believe in them apparently.
The point of the story is, despite the media going absolutely mental about it, very little actually happened. There is salmonella in chickens, which is why you need to make sure your chicken is cooked properly kids. Any blood oozing out of it, and i'd slam it back in the oven for a little while longer.
I remember just over 10 years ago. We were all in for it in a big way. The Millenium Bug was on it's way. You know The Terminator? Well he was coming to get you. Morphed from the ashes of crashed ZX-81's and Ataris. Once that clock ticked over, the power would go out, nuclear weapons would launch, and planes would fall from the sky (that one still confuses me to this day....okay so the instruments might go up the wall, but an engine is a mechanical device, so even if the pilot didnt know whether he was at 30 or 31 thousand feet, he'd still be going along....right?), and soon gangs of desperados would be tearing up the countryside, raping your women and eating your babies. I liked the idea that all it took was a change of lighting to roll back the human race into savages. Everyone seemed to forget about our jolly friend the Sun, who would still pop out whether your Pentium Processor whirred into life or not.
Not much happened really did it? I was ill on Millenium Eve. Really ill. I managed to stagger out for ONE beer, then almost wept with relief as the clock struck 12 as it meant i could go home and go back to bed with a hot water bottle. A hot water bottle made from hot water from the kettle. Which was heated up with electrons buzzing around a circuit. I think it's called electricity. Which was still around, despite the anticipated rebellion from computers as reported by the media.
I recall a few weeks ago. Snow was going to kill us all. At least, that's the way the media would have it. Grit seemed to be a more vital commodity than water. Humans are made of grit you see, and without it we shall wither and die. I especially enjoyed the lorry load of reporters getting snowed on in the asshole end of nowhere, reporting how impossible it was to navigate the roads. Surely they got there somehow? It was also amusing to hear them preaching doom and gloom whilst behind them kids were having the time of their lives. But how could they? It was a hellish time and i look forward to relating my survival of that period to my Grandkids. Yes, frozen water fell from the sky and collected on the lands. It made even the dankest shithole look achingly beautiful. Yes it was hard to walk on at times. Yes we got a ' bit fed up ' with it. Yes we made sure the old and infirm were okay. Whats that? World War 1? Nothing in comparison, absolutely nothing.
The snow melted away (curse you global warming!!), and then came the next fear: THE BIG FLOOD. You see what 2010 has already proven, is that when the frozen water gets to a certain temperature, it morphs into another state. That of water. No-one could have seen this coming, it really did come out of the blue. Rest assured though, there were an awful lot of people at risk of being able to walk down their path, get in their car, and drive to work.
My sarcasm has a purpose. That is to prove that if the media were a person, it would be a paranoid hypochondriac. Thankfully, hypochondria isn't contagious. OR IS IT??!?!?!
Nor is paranoia......or at least, that's what THEY want you to think. Despite the media's love of jumping on the next thing sure to bring humanity to it's knees, i can only admire my fellow man's (and woman's) ability to ignore the hyperbole and just get on with it.
Some things however, should not be ignored. Remember Swine Flu? That was nasty too. By 2009, there were 14,286 cases of death by Swine Flu, or the more sinister H1N1 virus. Sounds like a boy band doesn't it? Heard the new H1N1 single? Like, totally. I totally want the lead singer's babies. So let's not make light of it. 14,286 people. If i worked for the press, i'd be more inclined to say ' NEARLY FIFTEEN THOUSAND PEOPLE!!! '.
In context, Asian Flu, that was around from 1956 - 1958, killed 2 million people. Hong Kong Flu, 1968 - 1969, killed 1 million people. Seasonal flu, that comes around every year, kills anything from 250,000 to 500,000 people. That's every damn year. Now you tell me, what's to be afraid of with Swine Flu? The headlines would have been more spot on if they yelled ' SEASONAL FLU IS HERE!!!!' and explained how we were all in for it. In 2008, there were an estimated 2 million deaths from AIDS. Imagine if a new virus came along that killed 2 million people in one year. They'd have us heading for the hills, leaving Granny behind because there's no room for her in the car. But of course, i'm sure most of those 2 million people were in Africa so we don't need to worry about them. They probably asked for it anyway, what with wanting to have sex and all.
How un-natural is that?
It was with relief then, that i spied the front page of the Daily Express the other day. They had a second attempt at bringing some sanity to the climate change debate. My friend Paul was saying the other day how he doesnt understand how they can blame the snow on climate change. I explained that it was the gulf stream disappearing, and the gulf stream heats up Europe. Without it, we freeze. He liked it how they initially said it was Global Warming, now it's Climate Change. Why? Because they saw rises and dips in the planet's temperature. That's a breakthrough isn't it? Never heard of that before. So no, the planet isn't heating up exclusively, it's heating up at times, and getting colder at other times. Boy are we in for a rough ride with that.
The sad truth is, as with all of the things i've listed, Climate Change is just another on the list of paranoias brought about by the media. The politicians are doing their level best to perpetuate it because it makes them money, but more and more people are claiming they either don't believe in anthropogenic climate change, or they think it's natural so there's nothing they can do about it.
On a future blog, i shall be examining the impact this particular panic has had on your wallet. Let me assure you, it's a significant one. For now, let's leave this subject with a poignant quote from Charles MacKay - "Men think in herds, go mad in herds, but recover their senses one by one".
