T'other day there was rather a grand speech made by a memeber of the Coalition government. I looked in a dictionary the other day, and apparently Coalition means Conservative Party.
This lanky fellow, Iain Duncan Smith - or IDS as he's known....how upsetting to be one letter away from an embarrassing condition - claimed that with the measures he was laying down, the benefits system in this country would be shaken up to the point where they actually work. And ideally, the people that once claimed them would work too.
No more would the bone idle sit back doing nowt whilst decent folk graft away supporting them.
It's a lovely idea. It seems that those that genuinely require benefits usually get the third degree about them.
Where i used to live, in Frome, there was a group of 'people' - i prefer the term 'organ bags' because donating their organs is both the only thing they're fit for, and the only decent act they could possibly do in this world - that were perfectly healthy, yet had never done a days work in their lives.
They'd wander around the town making a nusiance of themselves. They wore designer clobber, smoked weed etc. All paid for by someone else. What annoyed me most about them was not the fact they were doing this, but that the authorities seemed content to write them off.
They're no good for work, even though they can, so let's just let them spend their lives on the dole.
Why? When i got made redundant and tried to sign on, i was met with a shit storm and told if i wasn't in a job after three months i was in trouble. Felt a trifle unfair i have to say.
I'm willing to bet that despite these new measures, that same gang of wasters will be walking the streets of Frome doing nothing, learning nothing, acheiving nothing.
IDS (Chortle) made reference to the statistic that there is currently 450,000 jobs available in this country, and frankly there was no reason for it.
IDS forgot to mention there's approximately 1.5 million on the dole right now. So, even without my abacus, i can see that the figures don't add up and that there'll be a million people with no job to apply for yet they'll be told they have to otherwise they won't get benefits.
IDS also forgot to take into account those qualified for the 450,000 jobs and also those with the experience and also geographical logistics.
So. Here's my idea. I've run it past a few people and always been met with the same response but i'm sticking by it.
I think people don't like to be threatened. I think they'll kick back if you do so. It's an instinct.
Instead of saying 'Get a job or else', we need to change things around so these people want a job.
And when i say these people i mean those terminal dole-ies. Those that can but won't. Those that have been can't-ing but won't-ing for many a moon.
My solution is a simple one: take their televisions away.
The idiot box provides boredom relief and company for the terminal doley. They kind of need it.
Imagine their existence without it. The silence. The space where it should be. The lack of Kyle, Street, and Enders. I imagine their lives would become rather grey rather quickly.
Once they gain successful employment, and stick to it for over 3 months, then, and only then, may they be granted the right to own a television set. Be it plasma or cathode ray tube. We shall not discriminate on technology.
The usual response i get from people is that it's an infringement of human rights. Well, we all know that the law can be changed and we all know the human rights act can be side-stepped.
Even if the lack of tv doesn't spurn our organ bags into work, it may lead them to the library, it may lead them to self-evaluate, it may lead them to think.
I want to try this. As a budding psychologist, i want to do this experiment and i want to record the consequences. I want to make sure my idea isn't romanticising, i want to examine relationships and attitudes before and after the TV has gone. It will be my own Stanford Prison Experiment and earn me a doctorate. Who knows? If it works so will the people taking part in the experiment. If it doesn't, its no more screwy than the Coalition plan to squeeze 1.5 million people in 450,000 jobs.
