As Simple As You Make It

Lord Reith, first director-general of the BBC, once said "There are some people whom it is one's duty to annoy".

For me, these people are environmentalists. Why do I have such a beef with them? Well, its because they're prime exponents of that which we are all guilty of. Well, two things actually.

The first is confirmation bias and the second is motivated reasoning.

Confirmation bias is where you look for the thing that backs up your belief and ignore everything else. So if you are a feminist for example, you'll constantly notice ways in which women are repressed, and ignore the progress in equality.

We are all guilty of confirmation bias. One and all. However, in the case of environmentalists, they are not happy with just accepting that which they find useful and rejecting anything they don't. Instead, they aggressively attack that which contradicts or challenges their beliefs. This aggression means that they are unable to rationally discuss or intelligently defend their argument, resorting instead to childish labelling. They call anyone who opposes their view 'flat-earthers' or far more simply, 'idiots'.

For me this makes it very difficult to take anything they say seriously. The science for a lot of environmentalism is not yet proven. It remains a very difficult thing to prove. The problem is the cost of acting on this speculation or hypothesis is running into billions of pounds. I certainly hope they're right. I hope the planet is dying because if it isn't, its the biggest waste of money humanity has ever been guilty of.

Further to confirmation bias, there is motivated reasoning. This is where we accept what we wish to believe with less scrutiny than that which we don't. So anything that backs up your belief needs less proof than that which does not. Its a bit more detailed than confirmation bias but no less effective.

Wind farms for instance. An environmentalist looks at them and sees clean energy provided by Mother Nature. This is because that is what they want to believe. They don't want to know the ins and outs of it. They haven't looked into what happens when there's not enough wind to turn the turbines. Why? Because its inconvenient to their ideals. I have looked into it because I want to annoy these people with things that contradict their beliefs.

I'm churning these thoughts over in my mind because today I read a newspaper article about incineration plants. There's plans afoot to build a great many of these and to burn a lot more rubbish rather than put it in landfill. This is because the EU have imposed landfill restrictions on us and we have to bow down and do whatever it takes to make the EU happy.

Of course our friends of the earth are up in arms about it. But, they're not happy with landfill either. So, we can't burn it (CO2) and we can't dump it in landfill (damaging to the environment and also CO2).

What then, is the answer? Here's the problem: they don't know either.

Once again they're happy to point out all the things we shouldn't be doing yet never offer an alternative. If any of you have kids, you'll know what it's like to deal with an indecisive petulant child every now and then. This is the hard-core environmentalists to a tee. Whatever you suggest, they piss and whine about it yet never have an answer themselves. If you don't have an alternative, I might argue that your best course of action is silence.

We are obviously all guilty of things such as confirmation bias and motivated reasoning. We don't want to be wrong about things if we can help it, and reading or hearing evidence contrary to those opinions we've done alright with up to now can be rather scary. It means we have to re-evaluate, re-think, and perhaps admit to being wrong.

The beauty and brilliance of science is the way in which it continually questions itself. New evidence comes to light and it has an effect on previous thinking. As such, there are very few definites in the world. Obama claimed the science behind climate change is 'beyond dispute'. ALL science is subject to dispute. By its very nature it is. Just because Barack Obama says it, it doesn't make it any more true. He is a man, that's all. He takes a shit like everyone else.

It's my opinion that those that lose their cool first in an argument are more likely to be wrong. Once they start getting shirty it's because they're being backed into a corner, so they come out fighting. I look at a lot of Forums and discussion pages on the internet, and I guarantee you, those that get pissy first are the environmentalists. They act like you don't care, like no-one could possibly care as much as they do. They act like they're trying to save this planet and you're trying to destroy it. They act like you're an idiot, and they've read the lot.

The truth is most of them know as much as you. We're all just guessing, hoping, floundering. The difference is i'm not shoving my guess-work down people's throats. I'm not extrapolating billions of pounds from the governments of the world to fund my guess-work. I'm not putting my guess-work across as science.

The sad truth is, a lot of humans have it pretty good on earth right now. They don't have a war to fight, they don't have pieces of a war to pick up. They don't have to hunt for food or worry about displeasing a God. They've had the universe explained to them, they don't think illnesses are curses. They know stuff. As such, they don't know what to do with themselves. So they find themselves a catastrophe, something they can feel bad about. And then, with all the evidence of a TV evangelist, they go out into the world to put things right.

Annoy these people. Press their buttons. It's remarkably easy. They deserve to be irritated. Consider it your duty.

Perspectives

Rather than write some kind of review of the year, i thought it far better - and hopefully more interesting - to write about an observation. I've made this observation before, after i was promoted at work, but now as i find myself a mature student, this observation becomes more apparent and ultimately more grating.

My observation is difficult to spell out succinctly, and would make for a rather poor blog post so i'll explain it all and you can see what i mean.

Sometimes you do things that surprise your family, friends and best of all, yourself. Me going to College was one such move, and me going to University was another. When you become good friends with someone, its kind of the deal that you want the best for them. It comes out of love and its the same reason people in supposedly stable relationships break up; because they want the best for each other.

I only have a few good friends, friends whose opinion i'd value and take on board. I got mixed reactions to going to college, but mostly positive reactions to the news that i was going to University.

Now, here's where it gets weird. It's usually the case that you mock the things you don't understand. A lack of understanding can bring about fear, and the fear is dealt with by taking the piss. It's all very interesting and i've only touched on the surface here, but just give it some thought and you'll realise it to be true.

I had, and continue to have, some piss taking for being a mature student. This is fine, i can both take it and understand it. However, the problem i have is with people saying how much i've changed since starting University. I'm sure i have changed a bit. People always change in new situations. Its how we adapt. What i think people miss though, is how their attitude has changed towards me.

This brings about more change than i've gone through. Now, people think whenever i say a word with more than 3 syllables, it's because i've learnt it at University. Whenever i say something interesting, it's because i learnt it at University. Whenever i argue my point, i'm being arrogant because i think i know it all because i'm at University.

The sad truth is, i've always been arrogant with my point of view, i've always tried my best to say things that are relevant and interesting, and because i like to read i occasionally pick up words longer than 3 syllables. I make no apologies for any of it.

Trouble is, people seek out the things that back up their theory and ignore everything else. I'm expected to change into a smart-arse snob through University attendance, so anything that can be seen to be related to that is plucked from a conversation and expanded on. The rest, the bits that are 'still me', are ignored because they don't back up the expectations.

It's selective listening. The down-side is i get accused of changing into someone horrible when really, it's the people listening that have changed the way they're listening to me.

The environment you find yourself in changes your behaviour. It has to. People change all the time, and its a good thing. I don't know why you should be ridiculed for changing yourself, especially if the direction you're trying to head in is For The Better. I detest those people that rip the piss out of others trying to give up smoking. Anyone who does is both a smoker themselves, and utterly incapable of giving it up themselves. It's envy, pure and simple. I've seen these cunts blow smoke in the faces of those trying to give it up, in an attempt to what? Get them started again, to what? Spend tens of thousands of pounds on cigarettes, for what? To die a painful, cancer-ridden death. That's a friend is it? You can keep that kind of friend.

I suppose i should feel flattered, that the old me was such a splendid chap people don't want to see him go, but living your life to suit others is insane and will leave you very bitter. You'll say you're angry at everyone else but really you're just pissed with yourself for letting them dictate how you've lived your life.

I cannot change the behaviour of others (or can i?), but i can learn to ignore it. Of all the piss taking about being 'back at school' i seem to receive, i find it humorous that those doing the piss taking are the ones acting like they're in a playground.

The Perfect Drug

Bob Ainsworth is a home office minister, and has recently called for all drugs to be legalised in an effort to beat the criminals who supply it on the streets. Or rather, the people who supply it to the people who supply it on the streets. Tackling street dealers annoys me. Arresting a street dealer is like blocking up one of those tiny holes in the end of a watering can, and wondering why water still comes out when you tip it. You need to remove the source, then you don't have to worry about the little holes. Plus, think of all the time and money has gone into prosecuting our friend on the streets. It does nothing. Acheives nothing. Changes nothing.

It's the same as prosecuting people who download child porn off the internet. By all means find these people but don't prosecute them, offer them help. They are mentally ill and should be treated as such. I'll tell you who you can go after though: the people who make it, upload it on to the web, and charge money for the mentally ill to view it. That's where the problem is so that's where you go to solve it.

Ainsworth believes the medical profession should supply drugs through prescription. Logistically, i can see problems there. I know a huge amount of people who smoke that pathetic drug, cannabis. I can forsee very long queues of people wanting to get a 'script for that, and Boots would have to turn into a warehouse rather than a high street store to keep up with demand.

However when it comes to hard drugs, the notion of prescriptions should be welcomed. Heroin is at best 20 - 25% pure according to a recent study of heroin scored on the streets of Liverpool. What else then, is also going into their bodies? Do you even care?

Cocaine - probably a greater degree of purity, but it can be cut with glucose powder if you're lucky, and all kinds of awful things if you're not.

So not all good news for the junkie, but the idea that legalisation of such substances would take Johnny Pusher off the street is daft. The idea that it would do away with the shadowy heads of organisations that bring the drugs into the country, and cut off their earnings - which run into millions - is even more daft. These people won't just say "It was fun while it lasted" and then apply at McDonald's. They'll move on. Fraud. Identity theft. Heck, even armed robberies. Johnny Pusher will mug you, and our shadowy underworld figure will steal the passcode to your internet bank account.

As a human, in possession of a mind and body, i should be allowed to do as i wish with it.
However, we must bear in mind that some people are idiots. Well, actually there's quite a lot of idiots, just take a walk outside you'll spot 'em. I use to oppose the idea of banning films. I believed they were pieces of art, i believed they were skillfully made and i believed they had no effect on a person's disposition. I didn't believe they could influence someone in a negative fashion and that if someone wanted to perpetrate a crime, they would do so without having watched Goodfellas before hand. Now, i'm not so sure. Some people really are fucking idiots, and i wouldn't let them loose with a remote control. They cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality, and they consider themselves to be someone - or something - they're not.

If i want to take cocaine, to wake me up and make me feel good, i should be allowed to do so. I should be allowed to take the money into a reputable establishment and ask for it. The product i am given should be as pure as it can get without making my heart explode, and i should be given a clean tube with which to administer the drug. Once i've had my enjoyment, i can then just forget about it for a while until i fancy another boost.

Seems simple, but this is the pattern of drinking for some. They dip in and out, they socialise with it, then they return to life. For others, they become alcoholics, and for some social or recreational drug users, they become addicted. Just because i know when enough is enough, we must remember that some people are fucking idiots, and they don't know where the line is. Or, they do, but they want to impress their friends by stepping over it.

I read a good question the other day; "Would you rather bump into a drunk, or someone who's stoned at three in the morning on a city street?"
For me, it'd be the stoner every time. He might try and enlighten me, he might laugh at me - wouldn't be the first -, he might try and get me to 'toke' with him.
What he wouldn't do, is ask me what i was fucking looking at before threatening to harm me physically. We've all been there. Drunks are assholes. Angry drunks are cunts.

Yet alcohol is widely available. And there's good alcohol (Guinness and Jamesons) and shit alcohol (Hofmeister and Jack Daniels). So you pays your money, you gets a-wasted. The state however, makes a whole lot of cash from your booze and they have the potential to do so with legalisation of drugs.

Let's talk frankly here, they're called drugs because they make you feel better. Perhaps the root of the matter, the question of why people are feeling bad enough to want to take drugs should be addressed. Drugs are a sticking plaster, sometimes over an amputation. As such, they won't work. No matter how big the plaster, you still have a problem.

I applaud Ainsworth's style, his guts, and his attempts to try and discuss ways ahead with Britain's drug problems and its so-called 'War On Drugs'. Not sure how you can either wage or win a war with an inaminate object but there you go. Of course the hand-wringers will win, and Bob will be shouted down and probably fired.

I applaud the idea of legalistation. Because i'm a grown up. Because i'm a human. Because i believe a break from reality is essential every now and then. Because i believe the brain to be a marvellous thing, and to stimulate it in various ways through chemicals is no different to looking at porn or reading a poem. Stick your head in an fMRI machine whilst doing coke, looking at Tori Black going for it, or appreciating Yeats, and areas of your brain will fire up relating to pleasure. That's it. That's all drugs do. Fire up and stimulate areas of organic matter. It seems painfully stupid to me to try and stop people having fun and enjoying life, but certainly the coalition seem hell-bent on putting the mockers on it. Full marks to Ainsworth then.

I find it ironic also that most of the customers for coke deals are people who work in the City for huge corporations. My friend told me that i don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were waiting for a bus.

Feeling Karma

There's an awful lot of blah about Karma on the social networking site, Facebook.

Whenever someone is appalled at the actions of others, they seem to make posts pertaining to the idea of Karma sorting this person out.

It's as if Karma is some kind of bigger brother who's always on the look out for anyone being a shit.

What's funny to me is that if these same people changed the word Karma for the word God, they'd probably feel very foolish. Or rather, if i started using the word God instead of Karma, they'd make fun of me and claim to be intellectually superior. In fact the Hindus believe God is behind Karma.

Karma certainly feels like the new lord. The omniscient, ever watchful master that makes everything all right. People will get their just desserts because Karma is on the Kase. Just like the Christian Deity, Karma has its roots in a religion and cannot be proved or disproved.

Many people understand a very simplistic idea of Karma. Namely, that if you wrong someone, you'll get yours. Not necessarily from them, but some other aspect of your life that will teach you the lesson you sorely need. Karma is more involved than that, but i feel that this Sainsbury's Basics idea of Karma is the one people allude to.

Here's my beef with Karma: it's a complete cop-out. It basically means you get to leave the entire situation alone and depend on some other-worldy form of justice to sort everyone out for you. Karma is the universal police force. Not only that, Karma transcends lives - in Buddhism at least - so you could get punished in your 'next life' for something you did in this one. This makes it completely impossible to prove. How fortunate for Buddhists everywhere.

Picture the scene; it's Christmas Day. You've got all the family round, all wearing nice clobber. All wearing silly Xmas hats but what the hey? Tis the season. There's roast turkey plus all those trimmings you hear so much about. You've exchanged gifts and all been happy with the results. You just raise a glass to toast family, friends, and the end of a hard year and what happens?

A big, sweaty, skin headed biker barges in the door. He's wearing dirty leather. His tattoos are so old they're just blue blobs, the arms they sit in could suffocate a grizzly bear. He grabs your Mother, slaps her round the face - her wine goes everywhere - and then bends her over the table. He proceeds to violate her, anally, then uses your serviette to wipe the blood from his cock, before leaving the room.

There is silence.

You lean back and say "Boy, I would NOT like to be him when Karma gets hold of him."

Or, you make every effort you can to take the brute down before he has a chance to even grab your favourite relative.

You wouldn't leave some things to a supernatural source, so why leave others if they peeve you so?

It's the same with medicine, when people claim to use Echinacea to both stave off and fight colds, or when they use any other herbal, 'alternative' medicine to help them with ailments.

Would these same people choose a herbal alternative to morphine when they're laid up with cancerous tumours? What about if they get run over and suffer massive internal injuries? Or hey, what about a routine kidney stone operation?

When you're in the kind of pain that makes you want to pass out, i somehow doubt you'll be asking what the herbal alternative to morphine is. I imagine you'd be begging the nurses to take the pain away by whatever means possible.

It's the same with Karma. There's certain things you shouldn't leave to some wishy-washy, completely unproven - and unprovable - bullshit to sort out.

Gandhi said something like the problem with an eye for an eye is that it makes the whole world blind. Karma is your eye for an eye. It just takes you out of the equation. When people bring up Karmic consequences, i have no doubt they do it with a vicious streak about them. They want to do the punishing, but it's against their character to do so. Or at least, it's against the kind of character they aspire to be.

So, they leave it to a mythical force to sort out.

The other thing with Karma is, for those that buy into it, to what extent are your actions good because you're a good person? Or, being good for good's sake?

If you act in an altruistic manner thinking "I'll do this, then buy a lottery ticket....if Karma's on my side i should win something", then apparently Karma doesn't work. It only works if its a natural action.

What garbage. How the hell does Karma know what you're thinking? The known universe is billions and billions of light years across. And i'm supposed to believe that it's bothered with the action of an insignificant human down here on a tiny planet in the Milky Way called Earth?

I doubt it. I really do.

Karma then. For those that expect rewards for good behaviour, those too gutless to sort out the bad guys, and those too intelligent to believe in God....yet not smart enough to see how Karma is a form of God.

An odd concept. And one that should be saved for TV programmes about blokes called Earl.

(Anti-Benefit Television Blues)

T'other day there was rather a grand speech made by a memeber of the Coalition government. I looked in a dictionary the other day, and apparently Coalition means Conservative Party.
This lanky fellow, Iain Duncan Smith - or IDS as he's known....how upsetting to be one letter away from an embarrassing condition - claimed that with the measures he was laying down, the benefits system in this country would be shaken up to the point where they actually work. And ideally, the people that once claimed them would work too.

No more would the bone idle sit back doing nowt whilst decent folk graft away supporting them.
It's a lovely idea. It seems that those that genuinely require benefits usually get the third degree about them.
Where i used to live, in Frome, there was a group of 'people' - i prefer the term 'organ bags' because donating their organs is both the only thing they're fit for, and the only decent act they could possibly do in this world - that were perfectly healthy, yet had never done a days work in their lives.
They'd wander around the town making a nusiance of themselves. They wore designer clobber, smoked weed etc. All paid for by someone else. What annoyed me most about them was not the fact they were doing this, but that the authorities seemed content to write them off.
They're no good for work, even though they can, so let's just let them spend their lives on the dole.
Why? When i got made redundant and tried to sign on, i was met with a shit storm and told if i wasn't in a job after three months i was in trouble. Felt a trifle unfair i have to say.

I'm willing to bet that despite these new measures, that same gang of wasters will be walking the streets of Frome doing nothing, learning nothing, acheiving nothing.

IDS (Chortle) made reference to the statistic that there is currently 450,000 jobs available in this country, and frankly there was no reason for it.
IDS forgot to mention there's approximately 1.5 million on the dole right now. So, even without my abacus, i can see that the figures don't add up and that there'll be a million people with no job to apply for yet they'll be told they have to otherwise they won't get benefits.
IDS also forgot to take into account those qualified for the 450,000 jobs and also those with the experience and also geographical logistics.

So. Here's my idea. I've run it past a few people and always been met with the same response but i'm sticking by it.
I think people don't like to be threatened. I think they'll kick back if you do so. It's an instinct.
Instead of saying 'Get a job or else', we need to change things around so these people want a job.
And when i say these people i mean those terminal dole-ies. Those that can but won't. Those that have been can't-ing but won't-ing for many a moon.

My solution is a simple one: take their televisions away.
The idiot box provides boredom relief and company for the terminal doley. They kind of need it.
Imagine their existence without it. The silence. The space where it should be. The lack of Kyle, Street, and Enders. I imagine their lives would become rather grey rather quickly.

Once they gain successful employment, and stick to it for over 3 months, then, and only then, may they be granted the right to own a television set. Be it plasma or cathode ray tube. We shall not discriminate on technology.

The usual response i get from people is that it's an infringement of human rights. Well, we all know that the law can be changed and we all know the human rights act can be side-stepped.

Even if the lack of tv doesn't spurn our organ bags into work, it may lead them to the library, it may lead them to self-evaluate, it may lead them to think.

I want to try this. As a budding psychologist, i want to do this experiment and i want to record the consequences. I want to make sure my idea isn't romanticising, i want to examine relationships and attitudes before and after the TV has gone. It will be my own Stanford Prison Experiment and earn me a doctorate. Who knows? If it works so will the people taking part in the experiment. If it doesn't, its no more screwy than the Coalition plan to squeeze 1.5 million people in 450,000 jobs.

Thinking In Pixels

Some females get shirty if members of their gender are considered sluts for sleeping around, whilst men earn only compliments from their friends and the right to wear some kind of badge with the word STUD on it. Understandably, in their justified crusade for equality, this isn't right.

So t'other day part of my Psychology course meant i had to learn a little on Evolutionary Psychology. I read with interest that there could be an evolutionary explanation for such behaviour. The theory goes that long ago, males would mate with as many females as possible in order to ensure their genetic line continues. It was like a fail safe. The more the merrier and the more chance of your blood line being continued. Don't think it was a conscious effort, it was instinctual. The women would go for mates that were strong and capable of bringing home the food.

Males would also go for women that looked healthy. Healthy enough to produce healthy offspring. From this we could derive the nature of beauty, and maybe even a tenuous link to beauty products as concealers and foundations mask any impurities and give gullible males the idea that yes actually my skin is just fine.

The evolutionary idea also attempts to explain why women go for men who are wealthy and older then they. Bernie Eccleston for example, is very old. And he's small. And he's kinda funny looking. His wife however, is tall and glamourous and they look very odd in photographs. Bernie provides though. Very well indeed. He is a billionaire. His wife need not want for anything. The evolution theory thinks it has that explained. Bernie is the provider, so he's a hot catch. His genes look good, even if he doesnt look good out of his jeans.

I was in conversation once with my friend Sarge and Mother-Of-Child. They were wondering out loud - as i was trying to read of all things - why it was that men couldn't see through the fat of fat women and just take them for who they are. There's so many ironies with their meanderings i don't know where to start but that's not the point today. In an attempt to cease their ramblings, i said that in my opinion it was because men like the idea of women who look after themselves. A woman who dresses nicely and has splendid hair and takes pride in her appearance could be seen as at ease with herself and confident too. She won't be a handful.
A chubby girl with lank hair and questionable dress sense obviously has esteem issues and is best avoided. Who wants to hang around with someone who's down on themselves?

I was simplifying, but now i can see that i had a point. If a woman looks after herself, it should stand to reason she'll look after your offspring too, ergo she appears attractive and you want to fuck her.

However, we have a few problems creeping in. Firstly women can and do fuck around. It is no longer only the rights of males to 'pull' on a Saturday night and creep out early on a Sunday morning. I know girls that arrange for weekend trips here and there and the majority of them will let a stranger insert his penis into their birth canal, and they'll never see or hear of each other again. I'm not moralising, it's their body and their choice.

Secondly, in my experience those women that take pride in their appearance and wear name brands and hair extensions and heels to make them taller are usually selfish creatures who spurn the idea of raising a child because it would take up time. Time they could be spending in clothes shops or planning a weekend trip with the girls. The chubby ones with the lank hair may well come into their own when they have a new life to take care of. They may find it gives their life purpose and meaning, and they may flourish into the best person they can be, fiercly proud and protective of their children.

Where then, does the theory go? Social trends and attitudes seem to be battling evolutionary instincts here, which may create an inner turmoil not yet researched or studied by those who are in a position to do so.

The notion of attraction is an odd one. Only the other day a friend of mine said she found someone 'horny' because he looks like he's an asshole. This is one of the most confusing things you can say to me. Not least because i have funny ideas about the notion of what's fair and what's not, but because it backs up the saying 'Nice guys finish last', and that strikes me as rather depressing. How does liking someone who looks like they're going to be a jerk fit in with things? Perhaps it doesn't matter and as long as the genes look attractive, the actions don't have a bearing on things.

I am fascinated by what people see in other people, and i always like it when people say ' I cant understand what she sees in him '. No you won't love because you are looking at it from your own dumb ass point of view and know nothing about their lives and how they are when you're not around.

I like it when gorgeous women are on the arm of ugly guys. Maybe because i always like it when an underdog wins. Maybe because it pisses the attractive guys off. Maybe because the ugly guy is wealthy and the evolutionary psychologists light themselves a self-congratulatory cigar. Maybe because it gives me hope. We love to think we roam around with free will, doing, saying and thinking whatever we please. Really, we're just going through the same genetically instructed motions that our ancestors did.

Give 'Em Enough Pope

I was desperately trying to come up with a witty play on the word Pope for the title of this blog. Something like Pope Goes The Weasel. As you can tell, i failed.

So i'm pretty tired of people covering Facebook with anti-Pope remarks. In general i'm pretty tired of this wave of atheism. It's not so much the common observation; that atheists shove their atheism in your face as much as a Jehova's Witness knocking on your door, it's that people seem to mistake atheism for intelligence. It's like you can't possibly be intelligent if you believe in God. Einstein believed in God. He made reference to him many times, 'God doesn't play dice with the universe' was his retort when trying to dispel the Uncertainty Principle in Quantum Mechanics. Who wants to lock intellectual horns with Einstein? It's a crap argument, but it holds up here.

If you don't believe a higher power made the universe, that's fine. You carry on. I'm not convinced by the Big Bang either. It's a better theory scientifically, but it still doesn't hold up. If you consider the size of the universe (and there's some lovely web sites you can visit that take you on a virtual tour of the known universe), i expect that if someone did create this thing, they couldn't give a rat's rear what you think of it. You are so tiny and insignificant it's a wonder you bother to breathe. If someone else wants to believe there was a master mind behind it all, you leave them alone. If it doesn't affect you, why are you bothered with it? If someone believes in God, or Allah, or that Scientology crap, it doesn't mean they are stupid. It means their beliefs differ to yours. What's the big deal about that? No-one is right or wrong, because nobody knows what happens when you die. Feels like i'm stating the painfully obvious here.

As a budding Psychology student, i'm stupidly interested in the way the mind affects the body. Good mental health equals good health generally. There's a number of things that happen, chemically, when you're down that can drag your immune system down too and result in any number of cold or flu viruses that can make you feel a whole lot worse. It's unfair but goes hand in hand.

If i'm inaccurate here you'll have to forgive me, but if memory serves placebos were first used in World War One. The medics had run out of morphine but had seriously injured and dying soldiers screaming all around them for some kind of relief from the pain of a severed limb. Some bright spark - either on purpose or accidentally, i can't remember now - hooked up a saline solution either claiming or believing it to be morphine. It worked just the same. This is simply the power of suggestion. An idea was planted in the patient's mind, that the drug is a drug that will work, and the patient's mind did the rest. Social Psychologists use the same kind of idea with Priming, which is a very frightening way of getting someone to behave in a certain manner. It's basically suggestion, and people are so busy on auto-pilot, they fail to fight it off mentally.

This was taken a bit further in 1955, when a cardiologist from Seattle decided to fool patients into believing they'd been opened up and had surgery carried out on their heart. He really did do the surgery for some, but on others just made incisions around the heart area to give the impression they'd been opened up. And yes, both groups reported the same relief from their symptoms. Of course the medical fraternity went mental. What this guy was proving was that the operation didn't need to be done. That the chest pains were all in the mind, or at least, the pains are real but can be cured by the mind. Kind of puts a few of them out of work doesn't it?

There's plenty of remarkable stories about the placebo effect. In this day and age, Homeopathy is a shining example of the placebo effect being bottled and sold. Homeopathy is basically water. Yet people take it, and it has a positive effect on them. I don't agree with it. Someone rightly labelled it Snake Oil. But it works for some. It makes them better. Who am i to get in their face and call it bullshit? I don't want anyone to be ill, so if it works for them then i should be happy about it. It goes against every scientific bone in my aching body, but it works.

Back to the Pope then. And religion. For many, the Lord is a source of comfort. I too have felt very at ease and at peace when sat in a church. There's just something about it. To the believers, the peace i feel is the Lord. He's channelled through the steeple and straight into my heart. It's quite flattering but i don't buy it. It's quiet in a church. It's completely unthreatening. It's like sitting in a library. You don't have to do anything, just exist. Unless you work there of course. It's subjective and it works in the same way psychics and mediums do. If you want it to be real, it will be. If you're looking for the holes in a theory, you'll find them. There are no facts, only interpretations. And Nietzsche said that, so ner. I'll interpret it my way, and a God botherer will interpret it in theirs. Live. Let live.

If the presence of a God makes someone feel better mentally, if it makes them a happier, altruistic person more likely to inflict their good mood and altruism on everyone else, then in no way can believing in God be a bad thing. It's a mental placebo, but placebos work. Faith, for this is the crux of it all, is so powerful it should not be ignored. Regardless of whether this faith is drilled into a person from a young age or if they find Jesus in a jail cell in Arizona, the strength of it can do extra-ordinary things. A Christian's faith is way more powerful than any scientific evidence you can present to them. You will never win if their faith is unshakeable.

The damage religion has done to the human race must be addressed of course. From the Dark Ages to 9/11 and all points in between, religion has a lot to answer for. What about all the good though? What about the charity organisations and the volunteers that help to run them? If these people were spurned into action from reading the Bible, this is no bad thing. If these people believe that in doing this they will earn their cloud, halo, and harp then fine, snigger at them a bit but at least they're doing something. They're not sat there clutching A Brief History Of Time pretending they've read it, contributing nothing.

A long time ago in a galaxy that looked a lot like this one, Pope Leo the third crowned a Roman emperor. This established a link between the church and state. This meant that the Holy Roman emperors, followed by the kings of Europe, were given the glow of divinity. Crowds would gather, hoping to get a touch from one of these fellows. And guess what, in true placebo fashion, the 'royal touch' as it was known, was said to have cured thousands of people. It did this through belief.

The Pope is but a human being. However, in the minds of some he has been chosen by God. As such, one touch from him and things will be alright. There will be no scientific explanation, but the person that believes it will benefit from it. Yes, they are curing themselves from a mental problem or a physical one, but if it works then it's one less person in the NHS queue. It's one less person with a grey cloud over their heads, perhaps it's one less suicide and therefore one less person who has to walk in and discover that suicide.

This blog is simply not big enough to discuss all the pros and cons of religion and organisations like the Catholic Church. They have done bad, they have also done good. Probably a lot like you.
My beef is with the soapbox Atheists. A person of intelligence will hold out for evidence. A person of intelligence will think, discuss, evaluate, research, and then speak. They say the burden of proof isn't on them. Well, i think it it's just as much on them as it is on a priest. To say something doesn't exist....prove it. We haven't found a cure for cancer, but it doesn't mean there isn't one. I've got one odd sock, the other one is around here somewhere but i can't find it. Doesn't mean that other sock has ceased to exist.

Many years ago, Democritus came up with the idea of Atomos. It meant 'uncuttable'. It was the smallest piece of something you could possibly get to. Its where you can go down no further. This was ancient greece. It was a theory. Years later, we have atoms. We know they exist.
So, just because there's no evidence for something now, it doesn't mean there never will be.
Democritus was spot on, though he didn't know it at the time. He had no evidence, no empirical evidence, but he was right.

If i were God, i wouldn't make myself so easy as to be understood by a human. We understand so little, yet we claim to know an awful lot. The Bible claims God made man in his own image. But the Bible wasn't written by a God, it was written by a bunch of geezers. They didn't know. They had no idea. They were pissing in the wind, writing a story. The point (RB), is that their story has touched millions. In many cases for the better. In the case of a Jehova's Witness needing a blood transfusion, probably not so good. The women in my immediate family found great comfort in the church when my Dad died. Did he go to heaven? Not bloody likely! But they believed he did, they believe he has been forgiven, and they probably believe he's watching over them now.

This makes them feel better. In every way. Do i then thrust a copy of The God Delusion in their hands? Would that make me intelligent? No, it would make me someone so high on their own sense of self importance they've completely missed the point, and it would make me someone i'd rather not know.

Yes the Pope's visit is costing the taxpayer. So is the royal family. So is being in the EU. So are junkies and alcoholics. So are speed traps and Community Police Officers. So are green schemes and carbon credits. Take your pick, none of it is really an argument. Sadly we don't get to choose where our tax money goes. You are entitled to an opinion on it, but yours is no better or worse than mine, nor Abu Hamza's, nor the Archbishop of Canterbury, nor Stephen Hawking and definitely not Richard Dawkins'.

The Un-Examined Life

The other day i had a bunch of stuff to do. Things are hectic right now. I'm surrounded by boxes and bin bags. It's like putting your life through a seive and hoping the good stuff makes it through. Amidst the chaos i have to keep tabs on a number of forms and letters, all important for the things going on right now. Being unsettled and out of your comfort zone can make you edgy and frankly, when i go out and mix with the general public, i'm edgy anyway.

You know that film Falling Down? I'm a heartbeat away from being that guy, especially when i have to enter the concrete hell called a 'Supermarket'. When i was a kid, supermarkets sold food. Tinned goods mostly. Now, my local Sainsbury's sells everything. It's like a department store. As such, it commands attention not just from regular folk doing a weekly shop for groceries, but also those looking to clothe themselves on the cheap, or buy electronic goods from somewhere other than Argos. Couple this with it still being the ass end of the school holidays, and i picked a bad day to walk into Sainsbury's.

Before i even got to the Star Trek-esque doors that open for you, my pace of walking was forcibly slowed by a family in front of me. Now, before i go on i should make clear that i do have prejudices. Many of them. Not socially appalling or just plain dumb ones like racism or sexism. I have prejudices against chavs. Idiots. Boy Racers. Slags. You know the kind of thing i'm on about. If i see someone walking towards me with white track suit bottoms, a name brand t shirt, a baseball cap perched precariously on the head and the same swagger i saw Fiddy Cent do in his most recent video, i'm going to label him a dick. If that offends anyone, tough. I would put good money on me being right, and frankly if i was proved wrong, i'd be happy then too. I love situations where i can't lose!

So this family in front of me.....they were fat. Not appallingly fat like you see some women where you can't tell where their breasts end and their belly begins, just fat as in they'll be at the breasts/belly stage one day, but they're still working up to it. Fat girls - as three of them were - tend to wear figure hugging black leggings or other such attire. Not really sure what this achieves, but they all tend to do it. These three didn't let me down. They had that uniform and they wore it with pride. Since they slowed my pace, and i was no longer wrapped up in my own world and it's problems and how i just wanted to get in there, get some migraine pills and get back home to continue decanting 34 years into brown boxes, i was free to get a good look at these people.

We've all heard the speech......"It's glandular". I'm sure it is. Being dishonest with yourself is simple. I think we all are. Daily. It's called denial, and we do it consciously or otherwise. There is every chance that for some people, the problem is a fuck up in their bodies. The technical term 'fuck up' isn't new by the way, sorry if it threw anyone there. However the more likely scenario, is that fat cells are collecting due to a bad diet and lack of exercise. The third thing could be that it's a mental problem.....you're not going to be the prettiest girl in the class so you comfort eat your way out of it. If they're going to call you fat anyway, you might as well give them something to call you fat about.

Rather than looking down on this family, or dismissing them as fat and lazy, instead i thought about a quote i'd read earlier that day by the Greek philosopher Socrates. He said "The unexamined life is not worth living". He was defending his role as a philosopher, and he did so in a very elegant way. When i looked at the fat family i wondered if they were aware of how fortunate they are. To eat so much and work so little as to become fat, should be considered a luxury. Generations before us struggled, then they struggled with two world wars in just under forty years. They didn't have an obesity epidemic. Gluttony i thought, is a gift. It's a symbol of how well the human race is doing. In some quarters obviously. Areas of the world are still starving, there's an imbalance there, but i'm not addressing that here.

Once i got passed the fatties, i wondered further about everyone in the supermarket, and how self aware any of them were. It tied in with a book i'm reading about social economics, which describes how ignorant we can be of our everyday actions, and the effect they have on us as people, our well-being, and the way we interact with friends and family.

To go back to our chav friends earlier, the uniform they wear - that of the bad boy rapper - to me represents self denial. Wearing those clothes and walking like you have a butt plug inserted may make you feel like you'll pop a cap in the ass of anyone dumb enough to cross you, but most chavs are skinny fuckers aren't they? Clearly the attire and the swagger provide them with some degree of confidence, and they just run with it.

I've been told in the past that i look down on stupid people. This may be true, but who defines stupid? Stupidity is, like everything else - wealth, beauty, status - relative. Besides, i hate ignorance a lot more than stupidity. If you're stupid by choice, that is you don't want to learn, you don't want to improve yourself because you know it all anyway, then it's a form of ignorance and yes you're a dick. To be aware that you need to learn, that maybe you don't know it all and never will, that illustrates self-awareness. It proves that you've looked at yourself and acted upon what you've seen.

Our actions are governed by a number of things; brain chemicals, upbringing, past experiences and stimuli. I've recently read a book on the brain and the author, Susan Greenfield, was incensed at people who see the brain as a computer. Well sorry Sooz, but i go one step further. I think people are computers. In fact i think we're computer processors programmed to relate to our surroundings.

Where you sit right now, determines how you're acting. If you're in your house, in the warm, just reading this drivel, then you're quite comfortable. If it's YOUR house, you're probably more confident than someone who's renting. Just slightly, but it's enough to affect your actions out there in the big wide world. If you were reading this in Afghanistan, in the war zones, you wouldn't be sat there with a drink and smoke. You'd be running for cover to avoid whizzing bullets.

Why? Because your brain has taken in information from the outside world and you act upon it in the way it considers best. That's it. That's your life. The way you act upon it is determined by many different things as listed above, and it's enough to make us all individual - especially the upbringing part. Our glorious individuality though, is just a reaction to the world. To use an extreme example such as Afghanistan is just there to prove a point. Some people wouldn't run for cover, some people would try and be a hero, others would simply freeze. It's how you're wired, and it's how you're wired on that particular day too.

The fat family will continue to eat more than they should. They'll become ill quite early i expect. Diabetes, fluid in the ankles, high cholesterol and risk of heart attack. To me, these things could happen to any one of us. I don't find it sad. Illness and death are inevitable. I find the idea that they've never looked at themselves long enough to avoid those things a great deal more tragic. The mirror can be a scary place but it's what everyone else sees. Those brave enough to be comfortable with the person staring back at them have my respect. Recovering alcoholics and drug addicts have done that. They've examined their lives and made a change because they've had to. The rest of us carry on the lies we've become comfortable with because it gets us through the day. I don't think it's enough to just 'get through' life. I think it'd be a whole lot more fun to enjoy it, and i don't think you can do that until you know who you are and what you want. This year i've took great leaps towards discovering the answers to those things, which is why i'm surrounded by bin bags and brown boxes....

Moat, Sympathy and the Media

Some things are what's known as 'cut and dried'. In other words there's little ambiguity, there's little room for debate. It is what it is, and unless you're pedantic or into meta-physics, perhaps you could do better things with your time rather than questioning it.

I confess to not being in the loop as much with the news these days. I find it selective, biased, sensationalist, and i view it as adding fuel to a fire. After a little self-research into the global warming debate, i was alarmed at the inaccuracy in the media, and the way such inaccuracies were sucked up by the populace. News, i thought, is bad for the mind.
As such, i knew the name Raoul Moat, but knew little else except that he was a man - possibly armed - in poor mental health. Not a good thing, so he was labelled a threat to both police and the general public. As it all went on i started following it more intently, and chose to read from several different sources to get the whole picture.

Raoul took his own life after a stand off with the police. Now, there are two schools of thought here, one is saying - Good riddance to a real piece of shit, and the other - He was a folk hero, let down by the system and shit on by his girlfriend.

I find little suprise in the way that Moat cut his hair into a mohawk near the end of his days. If you're wondering why, you haven't seen the Scorsese film Taxi Driver, where DeNiro's character, Travis Bickle, cuts his hair into a mohawk before he goes off on his killing spree. DeNiro himself came up with that idea, after conversing with a chap from Special Forces who said that Special Forces Ops used to do that in Vietnam so that their colleagues would know they were due to go off on a mission and would leave them alone so they could get in the right head space.

I don't want to get into the whole 'movies influence society' debate. What i want to say is, in the movie DeNiro's character ended up a hero himself. Lauded for taking on the pimps and the bad guys. As the nation grows increasingly frustrated with the police in this red tape age, anyone seen to be mocking or ridiculing them is met with childish support. To threaten to kill them however, takes us to a whole new level.

The story goes Moat was released from prison, and to say he felt down on his luck is a bit of an understatement. He moaned on his facebook page that he'd lost his business, his kids to social services, and his girlfriend to a copper.
I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that all of that is Moat's own fault. He was in prison for assaulting a nine year old child. His own child, to be precise. No-one else did that, he did. He did the time for it. Prison is not a time capsule. Things, and people, move on whilst you're in there. When you come out, you need to adjust. Moat seemed intent on blaming everyone else for his shit state, rather than heading towards a mirror and giving himself a good hard look.

I'd like to point and laugh at Moat (now he's dead of course, i would not have done so had he been in front of me), but sadly the blame game carries on. The parole board is to blame for releasing him. The police are to blame for frying him with a Taser. His friend McAllister is blaming the police for not watching his house, since Moat went there twice. It's his girlfriend's fault for saying she was seeing a police officer when she wasn't, so she's to blame too. The media, they were asked to stop broadcasting negative things about Moat as it was only making him angry, and you wouldn't like him when he's angry, so the media are to blame.....nothing new there then.

On and on, with little regard for common sense. When i used to hang around pubs a lot more than i do now, i'd see many violent encounters. Big chaps, fuelled by ego and alcohol, threatening to kill each other. 'Rip your fuckin head off'.....'Fuck you up'.....'You're fuckin dead'.....the list of threats goes on. Of course, it never happened. Most times i'd see them drinking together the next day. However, people seem to think that Moat should not have been released because he made a threat. How many threats have you made? Both to people, and inanimate objects for ruining your day? Should we put you in jail? Is it the same thing? If you say "Well no, but then i havent been put in jail for a violent assault"....are you saying we should not let out anyone with a history of violence if they say anything remotely threatening to anyone?

Two more things have transpired today, one, that Moat asked for psychiatric help but never got it. So now we blame the system again right? Well he did get given appointments but never turned up, so now who do we blame.....oh wait, it's Moat again. The other thing is that Moat was a police informer. This is how he was let off when convicted of possessing a knuckle duster and a samurai sword.

To those giving sympathy to this asshole, this bullying, steroid-fuelled, selfish, thick, murdering motherfucker, i say you're not thinking enough. In fact, you're probably not thinking at all.

Though there are instances in the case of Raoul Moat that may need to be scrutinised and learned from, the fact remains that he was a cunt. He was a danger, but only through his own actions.This blaming bullshit....it has to stop.
He's gone now, and that's fine with me. I could not believe it when there was outcry that the police had used Tasers after Moat had shot himself. Would you have approached the still-warm body of Raoul Moat? Knowing what he was capable of? Knowing he had a shotgun in his hands? Fuck you i wouldn't. I'd have tasered him until he was well done. Fuck, i'd have caused an emergency for the national grid, as i constantly re-charged my Taser to blast him time and time again.

Once again it's those that aren't there, that aren't in that situation that claim they know best how to handle it. They preach from a safe zone, where they have no frame of reference. I wouldn't dream of telling a brain surgeon how best to operate, nor would i try and tell the police how to do their job. Moat left behind a mess, but he also left behind lessons. Those are the things we learn from in a positive manner.

Birthday Bloggery

Einstein said that the only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once. Birthdays and New Years and Christmases all mark the passage of time. Of course Christmas and New Years are bullshit. Not only is Christmas on the wrong date, but new year is only a new year according to the Gregorian calendar, which doesn't account for the earth's real age of 13 and a half billion years.

I feel pressure to celebrate my birthdays in a certain way. Alcohol is a given. I feel pressure to get drunk for some reason. It won't happen. Not tonight Josephene. In truth i see no point at all in celebrating getting older. Older and wiser they say. Yes, i can see that. Older and more jaded, bitter, opinionated. I can definitely do those things. Fact is i feel no different today than i did yesterday, except that now i'm reviewing the last year and feeling like i'm still not living up to my own expectations.

The other point is i feel no different today than i did when i was 24. Will it always be like this? Only with stiffer bones? Stop sniggering at the back. Space and time are intrinsincally mixed. As you move through space, so too do you move through time, and the faster you go the more time alters. But, the kicker is that it only alters for you. You can travel through time in one way, while the rest of us are just living it one second at a time. This indicates that there was no master clockmaker as a diety, who wound the universe up and then just left it to tick away second by second. Your life might be going painfully slow right now, and someone else's is steaming along, and yet we're all living 24 hour days. We're all living in our own universe, our own space and time, and its a spooky thing.

I think when you get to this age, birthdays are great if you can share them with someone. Someone who knows what makes you tick, and what would make you happy. I believe birthdays shouldn't involve any effort from you to make it a good time, it should all be done for you. Tonight, i either have to make my own fun or i'm stuck at home again, and being stuck at home on your birthday isn't a cool thing to be.

Last year, my ex-girlfriend took me London to see Derren Brown. I knew nothing of it beforehand, she woke me up, tickets in hand. That's the kind of thing i'm talking about, that's the kind of birthday to have when you realise you don't really get presents anymore, just cards and best wishes. I've missed seeing her this year, and i've definitely missed being suprised by someone that knows me that well.

My son still has BIRTHDAY birthdays, and he already has his birthday list ready for September. I'm sure it'll all change before then, but having a present in mind, and secretly knowing you're likely to wake up to it on the day of your birth used to be many an exciting thing.

Maybe that's what i'm getting at. Today hasn't been exciting, it's been mildly depressing and the thing that's adding to the depressing feeling is that it's only me that can do anything about today. It's only me that can turn it around. I don't feel up to it this year, i'm getting too old for it.

Burrough-ing Underground

Friday night i decided to take in the new Nic Cage movie, Bad Lieutenant. Nic Cage has made some duff choices in his career - not least financial - but when he's on, as in Wild At Heart and Leaving Las Vegas, he's a blinding actor. Bad Lieutenant needed to impress me, as they all but stole the title and idea from Abel Ferrara, who also made a film called Bad Lieutenant with Harvey Kietel, which was so close to the knuckle i'm suprised it ever got released.

Anyway, as i wondered through the open sewer that is Bath city centre on a Friday night, i approached a homeless chap sat on the floor, his jacket in front of him with a few bits of loose change in it. Feeling affluent and in need of good karma (if you do something specifically to gain good karma you never get good karma do you?), i went to give him some change. As i got closer i could hear him mumbling away to himself. It was like a stream of consciousness kind of thing, and i strained to filter out the crap and see if there was anything coherent going on. I reached down to drop change in and the homeless guy stopped his rambling, looked me in the eye and said 'Now do you know what the truth is?' He then looked away and continued with his babbling.

Things sometimes seem like such a good idea don't they? I get told by some people not to give money to homeless chaps for various reasons. Commonly they are 1) They may not be homeless. To this i say they still deserve money for dressing and smelling like that and hanging on a street corner in the cold. 2) They'll only spend the money on drugs and booze. To that i say so would i in their position. And i'll probably only spend my money on booze anyway. If you're going to fake being homeless and be such a good method actor you're willing to learn how to babble incoherently for hours on end until someone approaches you and you can then freak them out with a crazy ass sentence......you still deserve money.

Einstein was brilliant enough to realise that time is relative. The faster you go, the slower time goes until you get to the speed of light. Then some very odd things start to happen. If you were to travel very very very fast, your time would pass slower than mine. Time then, is subjective. Albert also said that time and space are intrinsincally linked. This isnt just a theory either, we know this to be true as the Hubble telescope has taken snap shots of galaxies in their infancy. It basically looks back in time and it can do this because it can see so far away.

In the same way, many people consider truth subjective. Do i know what the truth is Mr Homeless Freak Out Man? I know what the truth is according to me. I never tire of saying there's always three sides to a story. There's the two protagonists view and then there's what really happened.

Anyone who's experienced a nasty argument or the pain of a relationship breaking down, can testify that the truth is a very shady area. You know what really annoys me? When people say "I didn't lie, i just didn't tell you everything". As if concealing the truth isn't telling a lie. I believe it is.

William Seward Burroughs was an author. He was part of a splendid collection of reprebates called the Beat Generation. Burroughs was the oldest one. He labelled himself a 'queer', and was homosexual throughout his life. Although he tried to become a straight man by getting married to Joan Vollmer and having a kid, Burroughs couldn't deny who he was. I'm not homophobic, but i can say i've never had any gay tendencies. I will say though, that Burroughs made a good point about gay sex, when he pointed out that at least with gay sex you know exactly what the other person is feeling, and you know what to do to make the other person feel good. Us men we fumble and stumble, searching for the fabled 'G spot' and if we're lucky we brush past the clitoris on the way. Like Burroughs said, if you're sleeping with someone of the same sex, you know what to do as you've done it to yourself through numerous masturbation sessions.

Burroughs was famous for his book, Naked Lunch. A really fucked up thing i can't even begin to describe. Forget the Cronenberg film, its not worth talking about. The other thing Burroughs was famous for was shooting an apple off his wife's head at a party. Burroughs loved guns bless him. He was a good aim too. But not that day. He shot and killed Joan and fled from Mexico.

Aaaanyway. Burroughs' Grandfather invented the Burroughs Adding Machine. As such, his family came into a great deal of wealth. Burroughs received regular monthly payments to fund his drug and alcohol habits, much to the understandable anger of his parents. It was Burroughs view that the truth lay with the underground. Much like Dostoyevsky. Burroughs was rich, but chose to hang around with people like Huncke the Junky in New York. He did this believing that the underground, bohemian characters knew more about life than anyone else, and he wanted a part of it.

For many these days to be down and out, to be beat, to be bohemian, is nothing more than a fashion statement or a load of student posturing. A bunch of people read the seminal works of the Beats - On The Road by Jack Kerouac, Howl by Allen Ginsberg, and Burrough's Naked Lunch, and basically built the sixties out of it. I assure you the shockwaves are still reverberating now. On The Road was written using the same stream of consciousness as my friend the Homeless man. Kerouac would hitch coast to coast with only a few dollars in his pocket, i can't see too many doing it now without the back up of a credit card.

I don't know what the truth is when it comes to being homeless. I can't even begin to imagine how that must be. I do know that the homeless guy's words stayed with me as i made my way into the thankfully very empty Little Theatre. The film was very good. Well, it was made by Werner Herzog. How can you not be good at things with a name like that? As i made my way back to my vehicle, through the drunks and the slappers, i looked for the homeless guy again. He had gone. Gone to carry on writing his book in his head. Gone to ask more do-gooders searching for good karma existential questions. Gone to experience a life i hope i will never have to know.
And that's the truth.

A Joke

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in"

There's a Greek proverb for you. And, all things being equal, it's a stunner.

I am a little tetchy sometimes with our left-wing hand wringing moralisers when it comes to the subject of the environment. Of course the environment must be protected, but i tire of people saying it will 'be the end of the world'.

Noooooo. You see, the world will always be here until the sun dies. It's held in place with some very basic laws of physics. What you mean is, WE won't be here if we keep on the way we are and, some might say that's a good thing.

And why might that be a good thing? Because despite efforts to the contrary, those that can do what the Greek proverb encourages us to do, seldom do it.

And a case in point is the little 'joke' left behind by Liam Byrne, telling his successor there's no money left in the treasury.
I don't know about you, but i do enjoy dark humour. Forrest Gump for example. That's black humour of the highest order. A retarded chap all but changes the world while his girlfriend fucks every hippy this side of Charles Manson, then finally fucks Forrest before dying of something one can only assume to be AIDS. The fact that she gave birth to a child - probably whilst infected - means he too stands every chance of being infected, dying early and leaving our loveable retard without his true love and child.

Pass the needle, i think my sides have split.

If i can see humour in that, surely i can see humour in Liam's message?
Well no....no i can't. I know politicians aren't robots, and that many - John Major being a shiny example - are grey and boring. Surely the odd rib tickler here and there should be accepted with open arms?

It would be, except for two factors:

1) Imagine if Labour had won. That means we still wouldn't have any money, but they'd be hiding the fact. I wonder how much more debt we would have got into while they held the reigns for another 4 years.

2) It feels like they fucked it up on purpose, knowing someone else would have to clean up their shit. Again.

You know those times when you're doing something either in anger or the name of fun, and you don't really realise the full implications of what you're doing until after you've done it?

During the election campaign, i was so eager for Labour to piss off, i never fully grasped what the alternative was. Labour did piss off....eventually, and now i look round to see the result. I got my way and i'm left with the Tory party. A coalition no less, but a Tory party at heart.

I get confused at those branding Tories as 'toffs'. Most MPs are. Mandelson - the backbone of New Labour - is a Lord. Don't see many working class Lords these days i gotta say. What you mean to say is, the Tories look out for toffs. That's what you mean to say. Get it right.

I hope that this new coalition - which we know will never work but hopefully the Demmers can do some good while they're on the peripherals - will begin following the proverb. Start planting trees - not necessarily literally - that future generations can sit under, because just leaving a note around confessing you've handled the situation appallingly, isn't going to help anyone.

Cardiac Anorak

I haven't listened to Cardiacs for a while. I think i over did it. That, and the fact that their lead singer, Timmy Smith, is very ill and there probably won't be any new Cardiacs albums for a while, if ever.

I urge you to listen to some Cardiacs if you can. It's not everyone's cuppa splosh but it may just yank your chain.

So here is my idea of a compilation for you. It will give you a good introduction to Cardiacs, and to go along with it, i'll give you an insight into the songs and my take on them.

I'd start with:

1) Baby Heart Dirt from On Land And In The Sea.
Timmy Smith is a fan of literature and poetry. The rumour goes that Baby Heart Dirt are three words found on the same page of a Charles Dickens novel, though i forget which one. He obviously just saw them and thought they looked good together. Initially i thought it was a William Burroughs style cut up.
The track itself displays most things Cardiacs deal with; a flirtation with ska, plenty of odd time signatures and atonal riffery.
RB thinks that at one point this track sounds like a news bulletin. Ever since she said that it's all i can think about when i hear it but don't let this stop you. This is a great place to start.

2) Tarred And Feathered - Single
The riff to Tarred And Feathered is a joy to listen to, and a wonder to think how it was composed. At points it sounds like a Tom & Jerry soundtrack. It's also one of the few tracks where you are aware that Cardiacs did have a percussionist at one point, Tim Quy. Some splendid lyrics with this, " A slice of life, a piece of mind, laid on a plate of my own kind, i take a key from the gravy and unlock the cage that holds the ravens in. " They should be made to study this stuff for an English Degree.

3) Big Ship - Single
This is the first song i ever heard from Cardiacs. The pleasure for me? It was live too. They were supporting the Wildhearts and i desperately wanted to get there early and hear what the Cardiacs were all about. Sadly, my travelling companions both dillied and dallied and we got there for Cardiac's last song. This was it. I remember standing there in awe saying to myself, "You can't use those chords. Not in that order. And you certainly can't change them there." But Cardiacs were doing, in magnificient style, flanked by two female singers who occasionally added to the cacophony by banging on big bass drums. When the end Coda came in with "All of the noise take me to the outside where there's all creations joining in celebrating happiness and joy all around the world. On land and in the sea", there was a party of 5 or 6 at the front singing it at the top of their voices and it was quite something, as even though they were small in numbers they made it sound like a congregation in church praising the Lord.
Some say this song is about a visit to the dentist and it wouldn't suprise me. It starts with "Pretty teeth scrape-y clean with a wind up machine", and there's evidence in the lines "We grin like alligators, assist with apparatus", and, "The room's too warm and lit with McDonald's lighting".
So it looks like it could be dental, until it goes on to "...the tool forever falls down, planes against the grain of the wood of the box for my soul, And my aching heart..."

Over to you with that one.

4) The Duck And Roger The Horse - from On Land And In The Sea
If you ever wanted to hear madness, this is it. Beginning with unsettling whispers and keyboard riffs in the background, it suddenly explodes across your speakers with Tim yelling "Duck tells me i must look a treat, i look my best so i tell him" and gets even more bizarre from there. Music stops and starts for no reason and melodies and hooks fly in and out of the shop for no reason i can fathom except that they work. Then, after a circus style melody, the music goes heavy as a very heavy object but instead of Tim screaming about being one step closer to the edge and about to break, he chooses to yell "Horsey going round with his little wheel on the floor sulking in the cupboard is a horsey going round with his little wheel on the floor" etc Not quite appealing to the emo crowd there. At the end, a very warm bass note fades in. From an album with very brittle production, it's probably the warmest thing on there. When heard at volume, it can make your bowels loosen. Recommended.

5) RES - I choose the live version from Garage Concerts Vol ii
No-one really knows what RES stands for, though there's speculation that it's Really Easy Song. Of course that'd be a joke. Ha ha. RES is extremely complex, and this live version even more so. The riff sounds like something annoying a child would wind you up with if given a toy keyboard for Xmas. There's many different parts to this song, and i'd love to know how it was written, if it was just thrown together or if there was a master plan in Timmy's mind. I'd guess at the latter. This version sadly doesn't feature the grand, bold trumpets that blast from the studio version at the end, but it works for me due to its extended take on the riff, the guitars filling in for trumpets, and the fact that it has the extended ending. Oh to be able to play this live.

6) Stoneage Dinosaurs - from Songs for Ships and Irons
Mr. Smith seems to be infatuated with the two world wars, and you'll find reference to them in many Cardiacs songs. I believe this song is about people whose stars have faded, and have sunk into obscurity. There's so much space in this song, and it feels like the chord changes are one too many. Like it doesn't fit, but it does........beautifully. The two first lines here "Wishing for money, is a man growing old and he, breaks our knife edge, with his care for the ordinary" are stunning. By the end of the song, there's so many string overdubs it's hard to tell what's the melody but as i said previously, it all works. Also, the sax solo makes me want to learn sax so i can transfer it to guitar, just like Allan Holdsworth does for all you Jazz / Fusion fans.

7) Fiery Gun Hand - from Sing To God Part 1
As with a lot of favourite songs i suppose, this reminds me of a particular time. Frenzy had gone to the Channel Islands to play some gigs and i had this song on constant repeat on the mp3 player. I was fascinated with it. The guitar solo is amazing, and it becomes even more so when you hear that 'Random' Jon Poole (for tis his name) laid down a guitar solo one night and was absolutely chuffed with it. Claimed it to be the best thing he's ever done. He tottles off, Timmy gets on the mouse and proceeds to chop and cut up Poole's solo, re-arranging it all so it goes off in every direction. Next day, Random comes in and hears what Tim's done. I guess i would have been angry too, until i heard it. It's genius, no other word for it. No idea what it's about, though religion suggests itself in some of the lyrics.

8) Goodbye Grace - from Heaven Born and Ever Bright
This is a break up song. And it's a Cardiacs break up song, so it's nothing Bridget Jones would put on. Not sure where the chorus is, but once i realised it was a break up song, the lyrics "Goodbye grace, lost my face, burned it shrivelled in the human waste" made sense. I realised it was about burning photographs and putting them in the bin. Also he sings "You wanted it too, didn't you dear? Yes say goodbye", as if to express regret at what's happened but that it's best for both of them, and that he was the first to spot the signs so put it into action. While the track is chaos from start to finish, there is a break down and it's here that i think Tim puts his finest lyrical moment (that's saying something), when he says " Put a hand to a heart, And a heart beats a path for a soul, A solitary cloud, A love of a life in a world of it's own". And, when someone does leave you they create a world without you, and that can be as painful as the break up. There's references to dogs in this song which you may think could be about who keeps the family pet, but Tim makes reference to dogs in many Cardiacs songs. Here, he sings "Comes his eyes, comes his fur, comes the ugly dog, HIDE" And the first time he sings the word hide, he holds it for 13 beats, the second time - 29 beats. Why?

9) Bell Clinks - from Sing To God Part 2
"Isn't life a breeze when the treasures in the trees, and i possess longer arms than you or anyone else?"

Nuff said

10) Dirty Boy - from Sing To God Part 2
This song is Epic with a capital EEEEEE. I'm rather chuffed with this, as on a Cardiacs forum i correctly worked out what this was about, where others had failed. Mwahahaha. It's about a boy who is born into a religious family and gets caught masturbating over racy magazines so his parents kill him. "Spiny grip brings all, off Mister Regal Jelly in hand" Masturbation, right? When this album was released people said this song could not be played live. Cardiacs proved them wrong, and i've been lucky enough to witness it. In the middle of this song, there is a section that ascends one semi-tone each time around, adding more layers of music as it goes. Eventually it just has to give in, seemingly under it's own weight. Like a song reaching light speed and therefore infinite mass. At the end, there's a note that is held by Tim for over two minutes. Obviously it was studio trickery, but the waves and warbles and vibrato in his voice make it seem very real. Live, the two girls seem to circle each other with it, but it all still works. If you look up the word 'Etheral' in the dictionary, there should be a speaker with this song playing next to it.

11) The Everso Closely Guarded Line - from On Land And In The Sea
To me, this is the sound of someone going mad. And prehaps the everso closely guarded line is the line between sanity and insanity. Tim shrieks that there is life in him left, and at one point instead of a lyric there's just the sound of laughter. I hope there is life in Tim left, and that he recovers from his stroke as well as can be expected.

Now i know i've left out a bunch of great stuff. Including my funeral song, "The Whole World Window". But, this isn't my idea of a best of, it's an introduction and a way in. Cardiacs songs are now up on iTunes, so download these, in this order, and enjoy the madness.

A Patriot's Call

As i glanced at the back pages of some newspapers in the library today, i noted that it hadn't taken long to fall out of the minds of the media. Roughly three days. Two in some.

Once again it was football football football that dominated the proceedings. Lots of money thrown about. Lots of tantrums. Lots of grown men old enough to know better. Like me.

What transpired at the weekend in China was forgotten about. I refer to a British sporting triumph.....a one-two for British drivers in the F 1 Grand Prix. The cherry on this sweet, sweet cake? The team was British too.

As a fan of F1, i thought it marvellous. It is tinged with the blue grey tint of sadness though, as this achievment was met almost with indifference by much of the population. BRITAIN dominated. Is that not a reason for the sporty to be cheerful?

Later on this year, a bunch of over-paid nancy boys head out to South Africa to try and win the World Cup. People say we have a chance. They say that every year.
I remember the last one.....we were let off work early if we wanted to watch the game (I did then!), we were allowed late back from lunch if a game was on. The sport dominated the front pages and reduced grown men to tears when they finally realised we were rubbish.

If we get to the Semi-finals in footy, i'm sure it'll be all over the news for weeks. We always seem to reward losers in this country which makes me wonder when i'll be getting paid. If we WIN, i imagine there'll be a national holiday and everyone's wildest dreams will come true.

Its a long shot of course. I can't see it myself. I do know however, that we have a sport that Britain is currently excelling at, and i wish as much attention and newspaper pages were lavished upon it as they are on football.

My Two Cents if you're interested....we will never be world beaters at football because the Premiership signs shed loads of foreign players. We teach them how to be good, ignoring our own talent. Then in the World Cup these players use the skills they learned from English clubs against England. Therein lies the rub. By all means have foreign players, but don't go crying when your national team sucks.

Lead By The TV

As i drive round these days i notice a disturbing number of Conservative Billboards that are being defaced. Usually with witty slogans or a play on words. Sometimes there's even a crude and hilarious drawing of the male reproductive organ.

While i whole heartedly endorse expression, i do find it odd that the people doing this, and those that encourage it, are in the 18 - 22 age group.....in this area anyway....please don't ask how i know.

To me, this is like kids of that age wearing Nirvana t shirts at festivals. Or, even better, those that wear some kind of Kurt Cobain memorial shirt. Thing is fellas, you weren't alive....or if you were it was only just....when Kurt found a way out through heroin and a shotgun.
So while it's entirely possible to love a band that aren't around anymore, it just strikes me as a little weird seeing these kids in those shirts.

And i apply it here to the Tories. People aged 18 - 22 were not old enough to really know just how brilliantly or badly the Tories ran the country. Let's see, if you're 22 then you were born roughly 1988. If you're 18 then you weren't born until 1992. This was after the last recession. New Labour came in with Blair in 1997.....

So, i'm not saying you haven't read history books but.....do you really know what you're rebelling against? It feels like second hand information to me. I don't mind people slagging Tory, but i wish they'd put an equal amount of defacing effort and bad-mouthing into Labour. They have done nothing worse than anything Conservative did IN MY OPINION.

Now i know i know.....the Miners right? And some might say....the Falklands. But hey, we're fighting a war right now too so i guess that doesn't count right?
I'm all for worker's rights.....lotta rights here isnt there?.......but people only really get a potted history of that. It usually runs along the lines of......Hard working miners went on strike to get better pay so Maggie Thatcher let them starve and shut down their industry.
Not entirely true. Look back further and you'll see some things that might give you a clearer view.
Besides, a lot of you trendy people out there are all for 'Green' power right? So you're against the coal industry by default. You should be glad they're not mining it anymore.

So firstly, for every Tory poster you deface, do me a favour and scrawl over a Labour one too.
Ta.

Next, i'd like to talk about the surge in popularity for Lib Dems.
This surge has only happened after Nick Clegg's performance on the live debate.
So it was the medium of Television that has worked in his favour.

To me, this is just wonderful. Once again people turn to the box for guidance on how to live their lives and form their opinions.
So the guy put up some good points.......i have a friend who is a terrific arguer. She can put her points across and no matter what subject....she'll usually win.

Does this make her a good leader?
No.
It makes her a good talker. Actions speak louder than.

This country is in the shit and i'm all for change. Lib Dems would be the most extreme change i can think of, as no-one's given them the opportunity before.

I can't help but feel Clegg's popularity has been brought about by our obsession with TV and our inability to differentiate between fact and fiction.
People are now turning to Clegg because he did well on TV. Ask them what his manifesto consists of and they'll struggle to answer.

I'm not painting myself whiter than white here. I don't know either. I just find it interesting.
As long as Gordon goes, i'll be smiling.

A Temporal Blog

I derive a huge amount of pleasure from perusing bookshops. These days, i tend to favour second hand book stores as i'm more likely to afford something in there.

A few weeks ago, i had nothing to do before the bus came so i ventured into a second hand book store to kill some time and....well, you never know what you might stumble across.

My eyes fell upon a book, wedged tight between others. It had no dust jacket, just some dirty, faded gold lettering on its worn blue spine. The title of the book suggested it was something to do with time, and the manipulation of it. I picked it up and flicked through it. It read like The Philosophy Of Time Travel. The fictional book in the awesome film, Donnie Darko.

This was very exciting to me. I have a keen interest in the notion of time. Before i started this college course, i would often read books on physics - often related to the idea of time and how it works.

Here, you can cross over into philosophy. Does time have a beginning? Does it have an end? Is it a straight line or is it like a ball of string, every event happening at the same time?

To us humans, time is a thief. It steals your looks, it steals your mind. It steals your loved ones and your memories. It can also work in your favour.....time is a healer. Some memories are best left in the vaults of time. Time is the one constant. It's happening all the.....well, all the time.
Time is also relative, and Einstein described it beautifully. I shan't repeat him here, but rather just say time always goes fast when you don't want it to, and slows down when you wish it would just hurry the fuck up.

When i was a kid, i wished i could control time. I pictured it as a remote control. I could pause the class i was in, or fast foward through it. I pictured in my head what it would be like and thought it would be pretty damn cool. Then, Adam Sandler made a movie out of my idea called Click. A bad movie. And i didn't even get paid for it. Still, i guess being Adam Sandler is punishment enough, he doesn't need me ragging on him.

So this book. Its author claims that he had visions in his dreams. Visions which later turned out to be glimpses of the future. Before you do as i would have done, which is simply pass it off as a load of old twonk written by some daft clairvoyant in a sequin gown covered with felt half moons, i should say that the author was a respected scientist, and admits that he doesn't believe in such things himself.

It makes for an interesting read. Thing is.....he also tells you how to do it. I never remember my dreams. Not the ones at night anyway. I wake up and my head is already concentrating on the day, not what my brain just ticked over in the night. I dismiss dreams as simply that....the brain ticking over. My book tells me how to interpret the dreams, and how to then use that interpretation to prepare for future events.

Before any of you start thinking...."Better dream up the lottery results then hur hur hur"....i don't think it works like that. It works more on the idea that your path, your destiny is happening right now. Its already happened.

Picture time as a long, straight road. As you go past certain things, lamp posts, bushes, roadkill, you can see them as they approach, and when they go by you can see them in your rearview mirror. The idea is that time is just like that. Just because its gone past you, it doesnt mean it doesnt exist anymore. And, just as in a car....you can see things as they approach.

I struggle with the idea of fate. If i wrote you a note saying "You will die today". You might think, "Fuck this, i'll hide in the shed where nothing can get me"...and then the shed collapses on you and kills you. So, did i make you die? If i hadn't said anything, you wouldn't have been in the shed and you wouldn't have been killed. But, i knew you were going to die today and tried to warn you.

Its a head fuck. Of monumental proportions.

Do i want to know my own future? What good would it do if i can't stop it? If that time is running now, whatever mistakes i'm going to make.....i've made them already. It's done, and there's nothing i can do about it except be good enough to come into being and pass away at the right time in order to fulfil my obligation to that event.

Psychics are not very nice people. To claim to be able to communicate with a deceased child is very wrong. Unless its true. Which.....all things being equal.....it really isn't. Criss Angel, the rock star magician, did a fantastic thing on a show in America once. He offered Uri Geller (psychic) a MILLION DOLLARS if Uri could tell him what was written inside an envelope he was holding.
Of course, Derren Brown does these things all the time. But Derren is a magician, and he has numerous ways of doing it, none of which could be employed by Uri on the hop. Uri failed the challenge. Know what Criss had written in the envelope?
9/11
His point being, if anyone really was psychic they could have seen it coming and averted it.
Quite a good point. I'm not a fan of Criss Angel, but full marks to him there.

Scary stuff. Next time, i'll factor in the notion of parallel worlds.....that'll make the head hurt a little more.

A Pending Act Of Kindness

So i'm not eating very well at the moment. It shall pass but for now, rather than eating properly, i'm choosing to simply eat things that are quick and simple and satisfy the hunger pangs rather than worry about anything being any good for me.

To this end, i dipped out in the middle of a class today to locate the confectionary machine and get something quick, easy and probably bad for me.

I put in a pound, and selected things that totalled something significantly less than a pound.

Rather than pressing the button for change, i chose to leave it in there. I figured if it were me, and i was hungry and thought the only thing i could do was find a confectionary machine and get something bad out of it to eat, i'd love it if i got there to find the money already in there.
Even if it wasn't quite the full amount i needed, at least it's a help along the way.

It's these kind of things that can brighten a mood, or make someone feel lucky.
So, next time, leave your change in there. You can be safe in the knowledge that you may well have changed the direction of somebody's day.

An Ending....For The Time Being

If you were to carry out a quick google search you could find more than a few of these, but i will select one at random. And here she is...

Meet Philippa Bigham. Aged 28. In 2009 she was given two years to live, as the NHS refused to stump up £3,000 to pay for a cancer drug she needed to take before she could have a bone marrow transplant.

So, initial thoughts. 1) Surely her life is worth £3,000. 2) She's paid into the system and - assuming she lives - will be paying into it for the rest of her life, far exceeding the £3,000 she wants to take from it now. 3) The NHS should not be God-like, in that it decides who to treat and who to abandon.

I confess to not knowing where Ms Bigham is now. She may have got the treatment she needed and hopefully she's doing just fine. Like i said, she was just one i plucked from the internet, an example of someone being let down by the system.

I called this blog An Ending, as i'm now about to 'bang on' about something people are probably tired of hearing about. This shall be my last say on it for a while. Or at least until fresh bullshit compells me to put pixels to screen.

£1.3 million pounds.

Like it? Would ya? Yeah you would. Some say a million isn't that much these days. Whoever says that is a) Wrong and b) Greedy. I could make a million last just fine, and have a ruddy good time while i was at it. I'd even treat you. Not you though.

If you had £1.3 million pounds, you'd help Phlippa wouldn't you? Why not? It's 3 grand. Not too much out of your cash pile and you'd be saving a life so if there is a heaven you're taking a giant step toward it.

£1.3 million pounds is the amount of money the NHS had to pay out purchasing 'Carbon Credits' in 2006. You can bet your last penny it's increased substantially since then.

So yes, i'm on about this century's biggest con again; Climate Change. For those that don't know, 'Carbon Credits' is a scheme cooked up by the EU, and copied by America only they called it 'Cap and Trade'. It works like this; each EU country agreed to cap its CO2 emissions at a certain figure, and individual enterprises within that country are allocated 'Carbon Allowances'. If exceeded, they could then continue to 'pollute' but only by purchasing Carbon Credits from firms or countries which were emitting less than they were allowed.

I put pollute in these things '' because i don't believe CO2 is a pollutant.

The flaw in this idealistic nonsense, is that each country was allowed to nominate its own allowance. So, pop quiz. What would you do? You'd set it high right? High so that you could 'pollute' all you want - pollute or help plants grow depending how you look at it - and not only that you can make MONEY FOR NOTHING by selling your excess carbon to other suckers. Brilliant. You are literally getting paid for nothing. Germany was a wiley old fox, setting their levels much higher than their existing ones. As a result, Germany made £300 million pounds on carbon credit sales. Britain, led by that fucking collection of useless cunts known as the Labour party, set their levels lower than their existing ones, in order to 'honour the spirit of Kyoto'.

This honouring of the spirit meant Britain paid out £470 million pounds buying......nothing.

Nearly half a billion pounds on fuck all. Of that figure, £1.3 million was paid by the NHS.

People die of cancer, but we can't afford to give them drugs. Our planet experiences a change in temperature which - if you look at history it does every now and then - and we can find £1.3 million pounds to make ourselves feel better about it.

Try as i might, i cannot find words to describe this. Despite all the best evidence to the contrary, the IPCC are still doing their best to convince everyone that we're in a whole heap of trouble. I'm happy to observe that there is an up-rising now. People are sick of it. They're sick of hearing about it, and they're sick of the money being spent on it.

Then there's things like the other day, where some bright spark said we'd just experienced the warmest January ever. Warm for him, he was in Australia. For us, who are glad to be free of the snow, it sounded pretty fucking ridiculous.

In an attempt at hyperbole, the climate changers made themselves look as stupid as they are. With all this cold weather, we are now expected to believe the cold weather is 'masking' the hot.

Because the dream of the doom mongerers doesn't seem to be coming true, the new theory is 'Yes, the planet is cooling down, but thats just masking how hot it really is'.

If i were to pour some scalding hot water into a bucket and shove a Climate Changer's head into it, do you think that a) He'd scream because the flesh was falling off his face, or b) He'd be just fine, as my scalding hot water is really cold, its just that the hot is masking it?

And for those who are quick to point out water and air are two different entities, i was just making an example. If something is cold, it's cold, and all the best efforts of the IPCC won't change that.

If i were a psychiatrist - hey you never know, one day - i might say the planet as a whole is feeling guilty. It's feeling guilty because, despite all the odds - and if you learn a little about physics and the mechanics of the universe, those odds are rather high - we're doing just fine. For me, it's akin to Survivor's Guilt, where you feel bad because you're in one piece and everyone else is dead. We look at a dusty Mars or a frozen Pluto and think....well, that could have been us. But our friend the Sun keeps us locked in it's orbit just fine, and our plants and trees have learned how to use the sun's rays to grow and flourish.

And, without sounding like the very hippies i despise, it's a beautiful thing. The inhabitants of this planet are a mixed lot. Outrageously intelligent in some corners, and in others that intelligence is used negatively.

Wasting time, effort and money convincing ourselves that we are all doomed is not the best use of either of those things. There are a few things you can't change, and the weather is one of them. For years civilisation was kept in the dark by the church, that's what's known as the Dark Ages. We pulled through that, and science came into its own with splendid fellows like Newton and Galileo. Fellows that came dangerously close to being persecuted by the God botherers, but that have had a huge influence on society today.

Now, our threat is not the church, it is the politicians who turn things like Climate Change into new religions. Religions you cannot question, faith you cannot shake. Again things are hidden, and again those that go against the grand plan are ridiculed and cast aside. Thankfully they are not burned at the stake as heretics anymore, we've come some way at least.

A follow up to the Copenhagen Conference is coming up. I see it as nothing more than a waste of time, and as ignoring the real problem, that of an energy crisis.

Some of my facebook friends joined some kind of group banging on about how they'd have a wind turbine in their back yard if needs be. Commendable, but useless. See, wind turbines suffer from a problem. That is, wind doesn't blow at a constant speed, so the thing about a 2MW turbine means very little. 2MW is what it CAN generate, but only if the wind is blowing it at optimum speed all the time. It won't, and in winter when electricity demand is at it's highest, high pressure means the blessed things won't turn at all.

Because of their unreliability, and in order to generate a continuous supply of electric to consumers, there needs to be a back up. The back up is powered by alternative sources. The alternative source is.....gas.

So, with all the talk of 'renewable energy', the fact is wind turbines need a fossil fuel to keep running. This would use the fuel up, emitting steam and the dreaded, mean, nasty, foul CO2. Like you, you emit CO2 so you must be evil too. In conclusion, wind turbines don't save CO2, and they're fuck ugly on the landscape too.

If you're asking why you didn't know that turbines need gas as a reserve, its because you've been successfully fooled by the powers that be and the energy companies. Fool. Our beloved Labour fuck wits are planning on spending £100 billion pounds on turbines. No, i didn't type it wrong, it really is one hundred BILLION pounds on.......something that relies on fossil fuels and generates CO2.

Genius, Gordon. Really. The worst news? That cost is going straight to YOU. The consumer. Your power bills will be astronomical and you'll still have black outs where supply can't meet demand. Why? Because no-one wants to go nuclear, and no-one's allowed to burn coal or gas. This means only one thing; an energy crisis. One like nothing you've ever known.

This is going on too long now. There are many other points to bring up, and false ideas to shoot down, but its up to you to do so. Without wishing to sound paranoid, don't believe all they tell you. Now, where's my coat? It's bloody freezing out there.