Cardiac Anorak

I haven't listened to Cardiacs for a while. I think i over did it. That, and the fact that their lead singer, Timmy Smith, is very ill and there probably won't be any new Cardiacs albums for a while, if ever.

I urge you to listen to some Cardiacs if you can. It's not everyone's cuppa splosh but it may just yank your chain.

So here is my idea of a compilation for you. It will give you a good introduction to Cardiacs, and to go along with it, i'll give you an insight into the songs and my take on them.

I'd start with:

1) Baby Heart Dirt from On Land And In The Sea.
Timmy Smith is a fan of literature and poetry. The rumour goes that Baby Heart Dirt are three words found on the same page of a Charles Dickens novel, though i forget which one. He obviously just saw them and thought they looked good together. Initially i thought it was a William Burroughs style cut up.
The track itself displays most things Cardiacs deal with; a flirtation with ska, plenty of odd time signatures and atonal riffery.
RB thinks that at one point this track sounds like a news bulletin. Ever since she said that it's all i can think about when i hear it but don't let this stop you. This is a great place to start.

2) Tarred And Feathered - Single
The riff to Tarred And Feathered is a joy to listen to, and a wonder to think how it was composed. At points it sounds like a Tom & Jerry soundtrack. It's also one of the few tracks where you are aware that Cardiacs did have a percussionist at one point, Tim Quy. Some splendid lyrics with this, " A slice of life, a piece of mind, laid on a plate of my own kind, i take a key from the gravy and unlock the cage that holds the ravens in. " They should be made to study this stuff for an English Degree.

3) Big Ship - Single
This is the first song i ever heard from Cardiacs. The pleasure for me? It was live too. They were supporting the Wildhearts and i desperately wanted to get there early and hear what the Cardiacs were all about. Sadly, my travelling companions both dillied and dallied and we got there for Cardiac's last song. This was it. I remember standing there in awe saying to myself, "You can't use those chords. Not in that order. And you certainly can't change them there." But Cardiacs were doing, in magnificient style, flanked by two female singers who occasionally added to the cacophony by banging on big bass drums. When the end Coda came in with "All of the noise take me to the outside where there's all creations joining in celebrating happiness and joy all around the world. On land and in the sea", there was a party of 5 or 6 at the front singing it at the top of their voices and it was quite something, as even though they were small in numbers they made it sound like a congregation in church praising the Lord.
Some say this song is about a visit to the dentist and it wouldn't suprise me. It starts with "Pretty teeth scrape-y clean with a wind up machine", and there's evidence in the lines "We grin like alligators, assist with apparatus", and, "The room's too warm and lit with McDonald's lighting".
So it looks like it could be dental, until it goes on to "...the tool forever falls down, planes against the grain of the wood of the box for my soul, And my aching heart..."

Over to you with that one.

4) The Duck And Roger The Horse - from On Land And In The Sea
If you ever wanted to hear madness, this is it. Beginning with unsettling whispers and keyboard riffs in the background, it suddenly explodes across your speakers with Tim yelling "Duck tells me i must look a treat, i look my best so i tell him" and gets even more bizarre from there. Music stops and starts for no reason and melodies and hooks fly in and out of the shop for no reason i can fathom except that they work. Then, after a circus style melody, the music goes heavy as a very heavy object but instead of Tim screaming about being one step closer to the edge and about to break, he chooses to yell "Horsey going round with his little wheel on the floor sulking in the cupboard is a horsey going round with his little wheel on the floor" etc Not quite appealing to the emo crowd there. At the end, a very warm bass note fades in. From an album with very brittle production, it's probably the warmest thing on there. When heard at volume, it can make your bowels loosen. Recommended.

5) RES - I choose the live version from Garage Concerts Vol ii
No-one really knows what RES stands for, though there's speculation that it's Really Easy Song. Of course that'd be a joke. Ha ha. RES is extremely complex, and this live version even more so. The riff sounds like something annoying a child would wind you up with if given a toy keyboard for Xmas. There's many different parts to this song, and i'd love to know how it was written, if it was just thrown together or if there was a master plan in Timmy's mind. I'd guess at the latter. This version sadly doesn't feature the grand, bold trumpets that blast from the studio version at the end, but it works for me due to its extended take on the riff, the guitars filling in for trumpets, and the fact that it has the extended ending. Oh to be able to play this live.

6) Stoneage Dinosaurs - from Songs for Ships and Irons
Mr. Smith seems to be infatuated with the two world wars, and you'll find reference to them in many Cardiacs songs. I believe this song is about people whose stars have faded, and have sunk into obscurity. There's so much space in this song, and it feels like the chord changes are one too many. Like it doesn't fit, but it does........beautifully. The two first lines here "Wishing for money, is a man growing old and he, breaks our knife edge, with his care for the ordinary" are stunning. By the end of the song, there's so many string overdubs it's hard to tell what's the melody but as i said previously, it all works. Also, the sax solo makes me want to learn sax so i can transfer it to guitar, just like Allan Holdsworth does for all you Jazz / Fusion fans.

7) Fiery Gun Hand - from Sing To God Part 1
As with a lot of favourite songs i suppose, this reminds me of a particular time. Frenzy had gone to the Channel Islands to play some gigs and i had this song on constant repeat on the mp3 player. I was fascinated with it. The guitar solo is amazing, and it becomes even more so when you hear that 'Random' Jon Poole (for tis his name) laid down a guitar solo one night and was absolutely chuffed with it. Claimed it to be the best thing he's ever done. He tottles off, Timmy gets on the mouse and proceeds to chop and cut up Poole's solo, re-arranging it all so it goes off in every direction. Next day, Random comes in and hears what Tim's done. I guess i would have been angry too, until i heard it. It's genius, no other word for it. No idea what it's about, though religion suggests itself in some of the lyrics.

8) Goodbye Grace - from Heaven Born and Ever Bright
This is a break up song. And it's a Cardiacs break up song, so it's nothing Bridget Jones would put on. Not sure where the chorus is, but once i realised it was a break up song, the lyrics "Goodbye grace, lost my face, burned it shrivelled in the human waste" made sense. I realised it was about burning photographs and putting them in the bin. Also he sings "You wanted it too, didn't you dear? Yes say goodbye", as if to express regret at what's happened but that it's best for both of them, and that he was the first to spot the signs so put it into action. While the track is chaos from start to finish, there is a break down and it's here that i think Tim puts his finest lyrical moment (that's saying something), when he says " Put a hand to a heart, And a heart beats a path for a soul, A solitary cloud, A love of a life in a world of it's own". And, when someone does leave you they create a world without you, and that can be as painful as the break up. There's references to dogs in this song which you may think could be about who keeps the family pet, but Tim makes reference to dogs in many Cardiacs songs. Here, he sings "Comes his eyes, comes his fur, comes the ugly dog, HIDE" And the first time he sings the word hide, he holds it for 13 beats, the second time - 29 beats. Why?

9) Bell Clinks - from Sing To God Part 2
"Isn't life a breeze when the treasures in the trees, and i possess longer arms than you or anyone else?"

Nuff said

10) Dirty Boy - from Sing To God Part 2
This song is Epic with a capital EEEEEE. I'm rather chuffed with this, as on a Cardiacs forum i correctly worked out what this was about, where others had failed. Mwahahaha. It's about a boy who is born into a religious family and gets caught masturbating over racy magazines so his parents kill him. "Spiny grip brings all, off Mister Regal Jelly in hand" Masturbation, right? When this album was released people said this song could not be played live. Cardiacs proved them wrong, and i've been lucky enough to witness it. In the middle of this song, there is a section that ascends one semi-tone each time around, adding more layers of music as it goes. Eventually it just has to give in, seemingly under it's own weight. Like a song reaching light speed and therefore infinite mass. At the end, there's a note that is held by Tim for over two minutes. Obviously it was studio trickery, but the waves and warbles and vibrato in his voice make it seem very real. Live, the two girls seem to circle each other with it, but it all still works. If you look up the word 'Etheral' in the dictionary, there should be a speaker with this song playing next to it.

11) The Everso Closely Guarded Line - from On Land And In The Sea
To me, this is the sound of someone going mad. And prehaps the everso closely guarded line is the line between sanity and insanity. Tim shrieks that there is life in him left, and at one point instead of a lyric there's just the sound of laughter. I hope there is life in Tim left, and that he recovers from his stroke as well as can be expected.

Now i know i've left out a bunch of great stuff. Including my funeral song, "The Whole World Window". But, this isn't my idea of a best of, it's an introduction and a way in. Cardiacs songs are now up on iTunes, so download these, in this order, and enjoy the madness.