Perspectives

Rather than write some kind of review of the year, i thought it far better - and hopefully more interesting - to write about an observation. I've made this observation before, after i was promoted at work, but now as i find myself a mature student, this observation becomes more apparent and ultimately more grating.

My observation is difficult to spell out succinctly, and would make for a rather poor blog post so i'll explain it all and you can see what i mean.

Sometimes you do things that surprise your family, friends and best of all, yourself. Me going to College was one such move, and me going to University was another. When you become good friends with someone, its kind of the deal that you want the best for them. It comes out of love and its the same reason people in supposedly stable relationships break up; because they want the best for each other.

I only have a few good friends, friends whose opinion i'd value and take on board. I got mixed reactions to going to college, but mostly positive reactions to the news that i was going to University.

Now, here's where it gets weird. It's usually the case that you mock the things you don't understand. A lack of understanding can bring about fear, and the fear is dealt with by taking the piss. It's all very interesting and i've only touched on the surface here, but just give it some thought and you'll realise it to be true.

I had, and continue to have, some piss taking for being a mature student. This is fine, i can both take it and understand it. However, the problem i have is with people saying how much i've changed since starting University. I'm sure i have changed a bit. People always change in new situations. Its how we adapt. What i think people miss though, is how their attitude has changed towards me.

This brings about more change than i've gone through. Now, people think whenever i say a word with more than 3 syllables, it's because i've learnt it at University. Whenever i say something interesting, it's because i learnt it at University. Whenever i argue my point, i'm being arrogant because i think i know it all because i'm at University.

The sad truth is, i've always been arrogant with my point of view, i've always tried my best to say things that are relevant and interesting, and because i like to read i occasionally pick up words longer than 3 syllables. I make no apologies for any of it.

Trouble is, people seek out the things that back up their theory and ignore everything else. I'm expected to change into a smart-arse snob through University attendance, so anything that can be seen to be related to that is plucked from a conversation and expanded on. The rest, the bits that are 'still me', are ignored because they don't back up the expectations.

It's selective listening. The down-side is i get accused of changing into someone horrible when really, it's the people listening that have changed the way they're listening to me.

The environment you find yourself in changes your behaviour. It has to. People change all the time, and its a good thing. I don't know why you should be ridiculed for changing yourself, especially if the direction you're trying to head in is For The Better. I detest those people that rip the piss out of others trying to give up smoking. Anyone who does is both a smoker themselves, and utterly incapable of giving it up themselves. It's envy, pure and simple. I've seen these cunts blow smoke in the faces of those trying to give it up, in an attempt to what? Get them started again, to what? Spend tens of thousands of pounds on cigarettes, for what? To die a painful, cancer-ridden death. That's a friend is it? You can keep that kind of friend.

I suppose i should feel flattered, that the old me was such a splendid chap people don't want to see him go, but living your life to suit others is insane and will leave you very bitter. You'll say you're angry at everyone else but really you're just pissed with yourself for letting them dictate how you've lived your life.

I cannot change the behaviour of others (or can i?), but i can learn to ignore it. Of all the piss taking about being 'back at school' i seem to receive, i find it humorous that those doing the piss taking are the ones acting like they're in a playground.